grr

alec baldwin used to be kind of explosive.  he looks like a cross between ryan gosling and this dude i know.

crowmance

one of the hottest chicks in the game.  au natural, and whatnot.  carla bruni is a babe and all, but realistically i’d want to bff (verb) bro-like french kids similar to Lizzie here (read. not like this).

snapshots of an angry mulatto

EDIT: MY MOTHER IS APPARENTLY NOW AMONG MY READERSHIP (WELCOME), AND HAS SINCE READ/READ-ME-OUT IN REGARDS TO THIS POST.  IN CASE IT WASN’T CLEAR INITIALLY, I DIDN’T POST THIS CONVERSATION TO CALL MY MOTHER OUT, BUT RATHER, I DID IT IN AN ATTEMPT TO TAKE THE PISS OUT OF MY EXTREMELY TYPICAL, ANGSTY, “MOM, YOU JUST DON’T GET IT” POSITION ON THE TOPIC.  JUST TO BE CLEAR –I’M THE ASSHOLE.

9:04pmChristina

i had to hang up with my mom.

9:05pmAlexander

why lol

9:05pmChristina

because she refuses to recognize some of her ideology as, outdated.

9:07pmChristina

im sorry, but you can’t be with it, and claim to be enlightened when you’re still toting prehistoric, puritanical, judeo-christian views on sexuality.

9:10pmChristina

her having so many gay friends throughout her life, and claiming to “accept them” all the while condemning their preference as unnatural or somehow innately immoral is no different, to me, than a white person saying “i don’t mind black people. i have black friends and coworkers, i just don’t want my daughter to bring one home.”  it’s fucking bullshit and it pisses me off.

9:11pmAlexander

yea either you’re for it or not

if you dont accept them thats your choice

but then dont be double sided

yea i get what your saying

9:12pmChristina

exactly

she refuses to see the connect though

and i think thats what bothers me

it’s never a discussion.

A FEW GOOD BITCHES

she had me with Sandy in The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.

an open letter (to whom it may concern)

listen, asshole white guys that live in topeka kansas or somewhere as equally depressing that quit your jobs to devote all of your time to becoming the 119th most subscribed to “vlogger” on youtube.  full disclosure; i dislike you guys on a basic level, but i’ve got legitimate complaints too.  

not only am i a latte-sipping (though i prefer a good espresso –straight, any day) “east coast elitist”, i’ve got dirty, hippie, environmentalist roots (Oregon -holla).  i take pride in these things.   i can accept that not everyone can be as innately awesome as i am.  

look, i’m not asking you to give barack obama a rim-job, or even fess up to your misguided bitterness brought on by your innate mediocrity, and utter unimportance, which is ultimately the bread and butter of your “patriotism.”  

i am going to need you to-catch-a-predator-looking motherfuckers to retire a few of your tired lines, though.

• my professors do not and have never dictated my political beliefs.  i don’t even like my professors.  i’m really full of myself, and half the time i think i’m smarter, or at least cleverer than them.  i get that for you people, education takes a back seat to being an asshole, but instead of concocting conspiracy theories about the nefarious left indoctrinating your ugly, corn-fed children (leave paranoia and conspiracies to us -thanks) maybe you can consider the possibility that there may be a fairly simple, logical reason for the majority of the people in this country with PHD’s being left leaning.  i’m not saying you have to be an idiot to believe in anything that makes up the farce that is the neo-conservative movement, but i’m not not saying you have to be an idiot to be a part of the neo-conservative movement.
• also, just because i have enough self-esteem to not need to take an inexplicable pride in the fact that i was born on this particular land mass doesn’t mean i hate america but, people like you are starting to convince me i should.
• as a pro-choice feminist, i must say, you’re absolutely right.  i just love killing babies.  can’t get enough of that.  in fact, i’ve never actually been pregnant, but i go get “superficial abortions” with all of my floozie friends, anyway.  it’s invigorating, and totes gets me in the mood for marijuana-fueled same-sex marriages.
• lastly, people don’t accuse you of being racist because you “disagree” with barack obama, or god forbid, didn’t vote for him.  we call you hateful, and racist because these are the mutants on your team.  yes, team.  isn’t that what it’s really all about?  winning.  ”i beat you at politics!”

everything you say is a trite diatribe.  your jump cuts are manic and juvenile, and most of all, this is for the ann coulters and rush limbaughs too, not only is justifying your ideology with the number of other people who are supposedly like-minded and thereby listen to/watch/read your retardation, not very compelling, it forces me to beg the question; who is really brainwashed?

convenience

all about that.

ella

yes.

because he looks like a high school dropout from the early eighties.  great.  now i want a cigarette.

this is “dropout.”  he’s going to be on some vh1 retardation that i’ll probably watch religiously, online.

true love can’t wait

i want to have a wild unprotected, calorie-filled evening with this slice of cheesecake.  i want to sleep with a cut-out, laminated photograph of it, and call it 10 times a day just to see what’s up.  i want to be this cake’s super-possessive girlfriend that gets into fights with girls at  clubs who can’t keep their eyes off my boo.

unfortunate screen cap, but…

 

i get goosebumps every time i’m forced to sit through this lengthy honda commercial (i.e. when i’m in a movie theatre or watching the office on hulu).  when she talks about always being on the verge of crashing because thats when you’re the fastest…  that’s all deep, and meaningful, and a metaphor for my life, and such.