last night i drank an entire bottle of fucking Astica Torrontés (white)… by myself.
about half way through i realized that all i’d consumed that day was a coffee and a diet coke. so, i tipsily proceeded to make pasta with mozzarella and eggplant. i honestly had no appetite because i was filled with dread, panic, anxiety, anger, frustration, and obsessive over-analytical thoughts. there was nothing left to clean, or do (that i deemed productive enough), and the fate of my problems relied wholly on the time i was having difficulty waiting through. what’s the most convenient, cheap, LEGAL time killer? booze:
i frantically inhaled the food as soon as it was prepared, so I could justify in my mind continuing to drink. once the bottle was topped off, and after writing the e-mails and having the conversations i usually fear/avoid when sober, the room started spinning, and i knew the drill.
this morning i couldn’t even look at the half of eggplant, sauteed mozzarella, and egg noodle-wheat pasta left in my fridge, and cupboard. but i’m jumping ahead –back to last night. after puking up what i thought was a substantial amount of the poison causing me to feel like Ruthie on her second night in Hawaii –still drunk, i concluded i needed to get some more food in my body (since everything i’d managed to get down had come right back up). i had this Noir-ish, cigarette-smoked-voice telling me; “just get something down to soak it up, kid. you’ll be alright!” so, after hydrating myself with a mix of Mango Aloe Juice, lemon juice, and tap water -i devoured a half pound of salami slices i’d ordered from Fresh Direct. and the leftover pasta (with a sickly amount of salt i’d added because, in my state, i had the wherewithal to remember my mom making me lick salt off of my palm as a kid to ’settle my stomach’ after a proper vom’).
i passed out for a few hours before waking up very early in the AM with the urge to puke even more. more rejected cheap, white wine, and roughly a half pound of FD salami.
a little before 8 AM i made my way to my bodega in a brown monkey t-shirt i copped at the St. Louis Zoo, and bought Gatorade and Schwepps. on my walk back i went to the Caribbean bakery and bought a slice of something with lots of white starch, sugar, and densely buttered. then it pretty much went Schwepps, Gatorade, Camel Light, Schwepps, Gatorade, Benedryl until i fell asleep. i woke up roughly 3 hours later, ordered a chicken burrito and a can of Sprite from Top Tortilla, and took the night off… to finish the burrito.
yop.
this is bullshit. during my most recent drinking binge, all i can remember is being dehydrated. like, more than usual. this could have something to do with my getting high EVERY fucking time i was drunk, but all booze that wasn’t carbonated, or mixed with something that was, was basically like drinking liquid cotton.
